It's a bitch.
I don't truly know what brings on the intense feelings of insecurity... but every now and then it hits me in the chest and belly. Intense, almost painful, feelings. Wondering am I good enough? Did I do the right thing? Am I pretty? And so forth.. Ya know, most of the insecurities are just those random things that I am sure we all think from time to time. But they just seem to always hit me all at once and then after a while it fades. It is because of my own insecurity issues that I always make it a point to compliment others. I always try to find something I like and point it out. It is because of my own insecurities that I enjoy doing nice things for others. I feel like it is important to show your appreciation to people. And, while actions are stronger than words when trying to show someone you care.. words are very powerful. Sometimes, people need the words too. And with that, comes verbal compliments, pleases and thank yous, expressions of love and gratitude etc.
Today has been one of those days for me. An all-around shitty day. I am "in a mood" as I said to someone earlier today. But what I have realized through out the day is that the "mood" isn't just me being Ms. Pissy Pants. It is me feeling down and out. It is me feeling insecure in a thousand different ways. I literally feel a pressure on my chest and an almost stabbing pain in my gut. It is one of those days where I need a really big, everlasting hug. It is one of those days that I need words and actions. No, I don't rely on others for my own happiness. I am in charge of my life. However, there are days, moments, that it helps to know that you important to others. Sometimes, you need to know that you are appreciated, loved or whatever else.
To be clear, this is not a cry for compliments. It is just something that has been nagging at my mind and I had to get it out. Sometimes, when you feel this way, you feel pretty alone... as if no one else would understand... but I know that I am not alone and thus felt the need to be open and share.
